It is easy to fall into a pattern. The challenge comes in working to break the pattern that you have fallen into. Patterns come in various form, in what we eat, and what we do. Some of our patterns can be good for us and work to our advantage, while others can create more of a problem for us.

In relationships it is easy to fall into bad patterns or habits of taking your partner for granted, and this happens often times over the years. Sometimes because we get so caught up in our own going-ons that we forget that we have chosen to share the experience of a relationship with another person, but yet we expect them to be there waiting for that moment when we decide that we want to spend time with them.

The thing that we so often don’t realize is that we are creating a bigger problem then there needs to be, and in many cases fixing the relationship is after we have fallen into patterns is easier said then done. Each person whether they admit it or not needs some form of affection and spontaneity. It is one of the reasons that we connect with other people.

So, how can a relationship last if one or both are neglecting the other? Simple – it can’t. There are many reasons why a couple may not be able to be intimate with each other, but no good reason why they can not remain affectionate towards each other.

So, if your relationship has reached a point where you can no longer be affectionate than maybe you have reached a point where you are somewhere you no longer need to be. Being somewhere where you are not happy or where you don’t want to be makes no sense at all.

Relationships are work, but they can and should also bring great pleasure to both individuals in the marriage. If you are not in a relationship that makes you happy, lifts you up, and makes you feel good and you have reached a point where you are in a relationship where you are going through the motion than it is time that you start putting in the work to achieve true happiness or hit the road to find your happiness. Are you willing to do the work? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage a success?

There are a lot of things that we are taught in life, but the one thing we are never really taught is how to be in a healthy, happy and productive relationship and stay committed. It is almost like we assume that just because we found that someone special that we are interested in; that things in our relationship should just work out. But, the truth of the matter is that there is more to a relationship than just physical and sexual attraction, and like anything that we want to be successful at a relationship, moreover a marriage takes continuous work and commitment on the part of both of the individuals.

Deep down we all have a desire to love and be loved, but we may not know how to go about it. For most of us we learn how to be in relationships from our parents and the other people in our immediate circle. If we see drama, jealousy, abuse, lying, or cheating displayed then we assume that that is what people do in relationships, but I tell you friends it doesn’t have to be that way. To achieve the relationship that you desire is really all in the level of commitment. Not just the commitment to another person but a commitment to yourself to have a great relationship, and a commitment to God to make it work as vowed. Just because you see something doesn’t meant that, that it is the way things should be. What matters is what feels good to you and what make you feel good, do that which works for your relationship, or your marriage, and stop by all means comparing yourselves to others. Everything is not what it seems, and the grass definitely isn’t greener on the other side. You have no clue what is going on in another persons relationship or marriage, people only allow you to see what they want you to see. Trust me, there is no perfect marriage or relationship, all relationships and marriages are works in progress…

To have the right relationship first starts with finding that someone that you are of course attracted to, that you also connect with on a deeper level, someone that you have shared interest with, as well as common goals and beliefs. But, what really makes a relationship successful is mutual love and respect for each other. It is about being fearless, and not worrying about the what if’s, and the what could possibly go wrong, or giving up when things get tough, but committing to working at making your relationship or marriage the best it can possibly be. That starts with being loving, kind, thoughtful, and considerate towards your partner. It is about giving exactly what it is you claim to want – which is love. Love through the good times and the challenging times. Are you committed in your relationship? Are you committed?

Being in a relationship with someone who for whatever reason can not be with you for an extended period of time can be very complicated, especially if that person is a spouse. Now I am not talking about a week or two weeks or months, but years. As human beings we need companionship, emotional support, and physical contact. Although you might have an emotional connection to your partner if you are separated for an extended period of time you will only be able to go for so long before one or all of your needs, needs to be met by the other.

No matter how faithful you try or want to be you will at least try to find a way to combat your loneliness, and you will seek companionship and emotional support somewhere, and depending on how long the separations from your partner is going to be your physical needs might come into play as well, therefore I advice you both to be very watchful of your sexual desires, when you are apart for a long period of time.

In a perfect world we would be able to sustain and be at our most faithful and loyal when we are away from the one we love for extended periods of time, but that’s not always possible. It is really important that you both be honest with yourselves about what you need emotionally and physically, and the needs you can and are willing to suppress, but whether it is your emotional or emotional and physical needs that you need met you are going to find someone to fulfill your needs because it is emotionally and physically impossible not to, because everyone needs some form of a connection, and everyone needs some form of intimacy, especially in a relationship, and more importantly with a spouse. We all at some point in our lives desire to feel loved and completely satisfied sexually, physically, and emotionally, and we desire to be faithful to that partner.

We all want to believe that someone loves us so much that they will be faithful and want no one else but us, but even if you or your spouse just find companionship through someone at dinner, or in general conversation once a week you are finding someone to fulfill a need in your life. Some couples never speak on what goes on when they are not together although hiding things from each other is not wise, and some couples are very open about what goes on when they are apart. You and your partner have to figure out what you want or need to know about each other, and you definitely want to communicate your feels about the relationships each of you have, other than each other.

The thing is you have to be realistic we all have needs, wants and desires and a person can only go so long before those needs, need to be met by you or someone else. Do you know if you can be faithful for an extended period of time?

There is a misunderstanding about love. The sad thing is that most people treat their love relationships like possessions, with a mine, mine attitude. We don’t want anyone that we consider ours to be friends with anyone else that we consider to be a threat, especially the opposite sex. It’s almost like we can’t understand what our spouses would need someone else in their lives for. To make matters worst we deny ourselves friendship of the opposite and same sex all in the name of being faithful to our partner. It is all a cover-up, of some sort. We are either covering–up our areas of weakness, or we are covering –up inability to trust our spouse out of our presence. It’s called jealousy!

Here’s the deal, we as people need other people, its human nature. You must realize that relationships are not houses, cars, or some gadget that you bought at the mall. As in love as you might be with the person you’re in a committed relationship with it doesn’t mean that you can’t have a life outside of that person, or that your partner can’t have a life outside of you.

What it does mean is that you have found someone that you choose to give as much of yourself as you are capable of giving to someone and that at least for the time being this is the person that you want to spend your life with, or are spending your life with if it’s your spouse. What you have to keep in mind is that as in love with your partner as you may be it is almost impossible for them to be everything to you, as much as you would like for them to be, and vice versa, because no one is an island. No one is perfect. No one can complete you or satisfy you in every area of your life, but God. He is the only one.

Therefore it is good to have friends, those of the same sex and those of the opposite sex. It’s nice to have friends that you have a shared interest with, especially if it is something that your partner isn’t interested in. But, the real question that you have to be clear about, is are you in the relationship that you want to be in and you just have friends, or are you looking for a way out of your relationship? Don’t get it twisted; make sure you are not setting yourself up for a fall.

Just because two people of the opposite sex are friends it doesn’t mean that they are physically attracted to each other, although there is a possibility that they could be. That is a very fine line is either person going to get crossed or it’s not, who knows. If you have a spouse who is very jealous you may not want to stirrup that area in their life, either way all the jealousy in the world isn’t going to make a difference when that person cannot trust you, then you have to be the wiser person in the relationship. Stay away from other men of women, if it causes a problem in your relationship with your spouse. Allow God time to get that person beyond their jealous rage. This is why it is so important to know yourself and what you want, and to be clear with whom ever you’re in a relationship with about the kind of relationship you want to have with them. The important thing to remember is that you are a consenting adult as is your partner, and whatever is going to happen is going to happen, just make sure that you are not intentionally causing it to happen. If by any chance one of you cause a breakdown in your relationship it is important that you be understanding, and forgiving, because all jealousy really does is drive people apart, it never brings them closer together. How are you handling your relationship??

The funny thing about life is that most of us don’t live it to the fullest we fear it on some level and at some point and time. We fear being vulnerable, being seen as weak, and making mistakes. We fear loving someone else, and being hurt by someone we love. We fear the future and the what if’s it holds for us?

But, how can you live if you never have experiences, issues, problems, circumstances, situations, failures, achievements and successes. We worry too much about things that haven’t happened instead of experiencing the right here and now opportunity presented to us.

Nevertheless this fear that we have trickles into every aspect of our life, but where fear rears its ugly head the most is in our relationships whether married or single. Most people don’t believe that true love exist, but that is simply because in most cases most people don’t love themselves, so how could they be expected to truly love someone else?

Then there is a rare group of the people that believe in true Love, but don’t believe it can happen for them not because they don’t know how to love themselves, but because they are afraid to open up the treasure of their heart and love another. There are only small remnants of people that believe in love and are truly in loving relationships.

So, here it is plain and simple. Fear is the only real obstacle in life that stops you from moving towards your goals and having whatever it is your desire in your life. The trick to moving towards your goals and having what you desire is to not anticipate and fear all the sometimes seemingly negative emotional experiences that you think can happen, but to stay in a loving positive state of mind with yourself and in a loving and positive state of mind about that which your desire.

There are many reasons why we fear relationships, but the source of our fear if we really look at it comes from our own mistakes. Sometimes one or both parties is not emotionally available for the other, we look for a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with us and we are too stubborn and full of pride to move on, we insist on trying to change someone to fit what we want them to be, forgetting that only God can change a person. None of these are good situations, but they are the ones that most people find themselves in and they are they situations that discourage and make so many people fear relationships. True Love is possible. First, and foremost it is about loving and knowing yourself. Get to know the real YOU! Second, be very clear about what you need, expect and want from a relationship.
Third, you need to know exactly what you are capable of giving to someone else in a relationship. Fourth, always show your true self. You are more like to attract a like minded –person with the same emotional needs and wants that you have desired if your show the real you. Fifth, communicate, communicate; yes communicate. You can’t expect someone to read your mind, and you should never try to read someone else’s mind, because 9 times out of 10 you will have read it wrongly. Sixth, be understanding, considerate, patient and accepting at all times. We all have our back-stories and cases of Hollywood level drama the essential elements that make us who we are. Seventh, leave your past in the past. NO EXCESSIVE BAGGAGE. It don’t matter what the last person did to you, all that matters is the experience you are having right now. Last and certainly not least you must not be afraid, remember the Lord has not given you the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. You must fearlessly and lovingly be in your relationship. Take it one day at a time. Appreciate and learn from the moment and the future will work itself out. Trust God and trust yourself!

In today’s world of cell phones, texting and e-mail it is easy for the true meaning of our words to get lost in translation. Although most of us make more of an effort to communicate with our convenient gadgets, although we still haven’t learned how to truly communicate with each other. As a marital Counselor and minister of the gospel, I have found that through several retreats, seminars, workshops, and conferences that people have a problem communicating with each other; this has been especially true with pre-marital and married couples alike.

Is it because of our fears or maybe our lack of sincerity that we hide behind technology? Do we use technology as a means to protecting or safeguarding our hearts? Do we use technology as an escape goat to get out of a relationship?

The hard reality is that there is nothing like a good old fashion face to face conversation where you hope both parties are telling the truth, but even if they aren’t you have a better chance of reading the other person when you are looking directly into there eyes. Your gift of discernment will kick in, if you use it. That sixth sense will show up and you will know what is going on with the other person.

It can be hard to put yourself out there, so easily exposed to someone else. None of us like rejection and we are all trying to protect our hearts on some level. In Relationships especially new relationships you are always learning and growing and sometimes you don’t trust your instincts. Each day brings new adventures as well as challenges. So, communication of all kinds is important. As long as what you have to say comes from your heart than you shouldn’t fear expressing your feelings and making sure that you are properly understood. This is especially important in marriage, both partners need to communicate their feels at all times It is easy to hope that someone can read between the lines and understands our cryptic messages, smiley faces, and gestures, and body language but there is nothing like spitting out plain direct verbal communication to really get your point and your feelings across to another person. Although I advise you to use discretion when communicating with your spouse, we have to watch our words, tones, etc, and make sure that as we open the doors of communication we don’t shut the doors to someone’s heart. How do you communicate?

It’s that time again. Keeping it real!…so come aboard and join us in our chats for some real issues, real dialogue, and real solutions…For He said “We perish for a lack of knowledge” Let’s chat about it, let’s get real and begin to walk in our Wholeness ANEW!!

SEE YOU SOON… INVITE A FRIEND…BE THERE WE NEED YOUR INPUT!

“IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY & IT BEGINS WITH ONLY A NEW YOU!”

Have you ever been abandoned by someone you really love? Have your employer overlooked you for a raise, and you are angry and depressed that someone undeserving was promoted? Have you ever been told that you cannot do it, it will not work…and you somehow believed the hype of your haters?

Have you believed so deeply in someone, but when “push came to shove”, only to find yourself all alone? Do you trust people or yourself more than you trusted God? Have you lost trust in general because you’ve been betrayed or misused? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to be set free once and for all? Do you have an unfathomable passion but afraid it will not work? Have you allowed fear to get in the way of your pursuing your purpose and destiny? Are you married, but some days find yourself feeling single? Are you single, but oftentimes find yourself playing married? CAN YOU RELATE…LET’S CHAT ABOUT IT!

***Topic…Have YOU truly forgiven SELF & OTHERS so YOU can PUSH forward in your WHOLENESS of the 3 P’s.

PERSISTENT
PRODUCTIVE
PROSPERITY